Over the course of the last 9 months, quite a few of my friends have seen the relationships with their teenage sweethearts come to an end. Some we initially quite appropriately devastated, others nonchalant about the whole thing saying that the union had run its course. But either way, all have ended up in rather similar positions at some point in the post-break up epoch.
They have all moved on and met new people. They have then declared that this person is the most amazing person ever, far superior than previous partner. They have enjoyed a bountiful relationship including outings, gestures, gifts, constant messaging etc. Then after a few months, as is unfortunately inevitable, things have soured. The excitement is dwindling, the effort made on both parties lacking. The previous partner looks as appealing as the prize cow at a county fair once again, that person has moved on. The whole situation semi-blows up in their face and it's quite devastating.
Now, in NO WAY am I implying that this is exclusive to my friends and that there is emotionally strange about them (aside from the quirks that make them awesome to me :D). It just so oddly happens that so many of them have been through this around the same time, something in the water perhaps...
But it's also not a particularly individual situation to find yourself in post-break up. Breaking up with your first love is sometimes, unfortunately so but in fact, a fact of life. Like many people, I broke up with my first boyfriend at the end of my teens, and have since then continued to experience highly melodramatic break ups well into my 20's. I know the drill now, I'm used to it. I have even patented my own recover plan!
However going through your first love break up(and sometimes -into-second relationship) seems to be a bit like chicken pocks, easier to get it out the way younger.
In my opinion, nothing I'm about to say will be a particularly earth shattering revelation. Every new relationship starts with a 'honeymoon period', lasting an indefinite amount of time. During this period you will think everything your new partner says is mind-blowing, go to great lengths to impress each other from fancy outings to cool outfits, and you WILL NOT be able to keep your hands off each other for that 15 minutes at a push.
Once this period of euphoric bliss wears off, what you're left with is the actual relationship you have. Hopefully this will be an an awesome friend, a partner in crime and someone who still lights your sexual fires. But not always...
Sometimes, the person you're left with isn't that funny, doesn't really like the things you like, hasn't got that much to say about anything, and probably isn't as great in the sack as you initially thought. But you'll try hold on, not because you're a sucker for punishment, but because you remember those tender moments and fun times and think 'well it happened once, surely that can't be it? They can't just change that quickly, we can be that close again, can't we?'. And if you start to think like that, my advice would be to cut your losses and walk away. If they follow you, great, but they probably won't and don't live your life holding out for it. And don't sleep with them thinking that'll make them love you again, it won't. It will make them feel sexually lighter, and you utterly foul.
And then you'll have inevitable hankering for the ex - 'they'd never do that, they were always there me, we never had problems like this, and they were so good looking...'. STOP STOP STOP!!! Your Ex is you Ex for a reason. You do not need to go there. Especially as there's always a risk that your ex will have moved on, and the dejection you will feel will be horrific. Don't do it!
So what do you do when you feel your entire world is crumbling? What everybody else does, the corniest line in the book - pick yourself up and carry on.
Relationships are the most subjective and personal things to us. There might be civilians being used as cannon-fodder in Syria right now, but if your boyfriend dumped you before an episode of Don't Tell The Bride, nothing else could ever be worse. And that's ok. It's ok to be upset, cry on the phone to everyone you know, watch Love Actually with a bottle of Lambrini and curse Hugh Grant to Hades. Get it out your system. Then move on. That that don't kill ya makes ya stronger, and even though it doesn't feel like it right now, YOU WILL BE FINE!
Take a little advice from Johnny Cash and June Carter, worked out alright in the end for them now didn't it!
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